So talk reached the reporter of an outrageous piece of pre match relaxation last week.
Big Centre Court and his troops were going on a road trip. Strathaven away. That’s 40 miles and over an hour away – traffic permitting.
Better leave in plenty of time. 5.15 was the decision.
Before everyone starts feeling sympathy for the Gents 4 team. That’s 5:15 in the afternoon / evening. Not 5.15am
Where’s Big Fraz? Nowhere to be seen.
No problem thinks Big Centre, he’ll be strolling down to the tennis club. I’ll intercept him on the way as he comes out the Co-Op with a Milky Bar or a Mint Aero*
*other beautiful chocolate bars are available
Called him. Text him. Facebooked him. Snap chatted him. Hit him up on Insta.
Even tried his Bebo & MySpace.
That’s ok thinks Big Centre. I’ll call Cath and find out his house number and doorstep him.
Nothing. Ghost town
So it’s time to leave. The Butterfly effect has started. Callum is standing at Lower Cardross ( Dumbarton to you and I but Lower Cardross in estate agent speak if you are selling) in the pouring rain waiting picked up.
David L is waiting at the golfie to be picked up.
Time is not our friend. Big Fraz who has a bucket full of A’s must simply have forgotten. These things happen. We’ll deal with him later.
Called his Mum. She confirms he’s fine but we don’t know where he is.
There’s only one more call to make. Aunt Karen. She’ll sort him out.
Nope. Even she is powerless to track him down.
Big Centre can’t get another player. There’s no time. He calls round the houses, lets the Strathaven captain know that Cardross will be rolling 4 deep, David L gets stood down as there’s no partner for him. He goes back to the house to continue cutting his grass – its a 14 day job- with a moist eyed look.
Big Centre picks up Callum who has no idea where Fraz is. He can’t be studying as he’s finished exams. A true mystery.
It’s now 5.45 and the brave warriors face the drive knowing they are 3-0 down.
Then it happens. The phone goes.
It’s Big Fraz.
He’s slept in.
Let that sink in. 5.45pm and Big Snoozy has slept in.
Now if this was one of the Bunnet Brothers then we could perhaps shrug it off but no it’s a 18 year old lad at the peak of his physical powers getting himself a wee
El Frazo our Spanish superstar getting himself a wee pre Match snooze.
Big Centre pulls in Dalreoch. Turns the car like Lewis Hamilton and picks up El Frazo before then driving like an expectant father heading to the maternity ward.
6.59 they arrive at Strathaven with David L saved from walking his own version of the grassy green mile for another evening.
El Frazo & Callum obviously won all their sets. Big Centre obviously didn’t as he was shot from weaving through the traffic setting a new PB for the Cardross to Strathaven dash.
So what happened to El Frazo?
I just slept in.
Now I can accept that excuse from a taxi driver due to get me at 4.30am but at 5.15 in the evening?
Did you have a late night Fraz?
You feeling ok?
You just a big snoozy?
Yes I am.
Hello. I’m Fraser and I’m a snoozeaholic.
No harm done except to Big Centres nerves and the MPG figure in his car.
Youngsters these days eh…….
Feel free to pelt him with Pro Plus tablets and Red Bull any time you see him…….